BODY CONFIDENCE| MY STORY

 

BODY CONFIDENCE

MY STORY…

 

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Ok… (as i take a big deep breath)

 

Hello everyone πŸ™‚

 

As you can already tell by the title of the post, this blog post is going to be on my body confidence, and it just might get REAL EMO up on this post! LOL, so please, bare with me here.

 

I am typically someone who NEVER EVER talks about my body, or the issues that I have with my body, all the way from childhood, until now, so this is probably going to be one of the most raw, exposing, naked post about my personal story, that I will ever have to write.

 

So here goes….

 

Every woman reading this post, will probably identify with some parts of this post, so I’m going to be as truthful and honest as I can be.

 

CHILDHOOD….

PRIMARY AND HIGH SCHOOL

 

I grew up a skinny kid. Believe it or not! when I was still a baby, young one I was a pretty small kid. Some members of my family even thought that my mom never fed me as a kid (she told me this at a later stage in my life, lol). When puberty hit, and my body started doing all sorts of things, it also grew, lol, in size! There where MANY, MANY times in my primary and high school days where I felt awkward. I would always look at myself in the mirror and hate my body for betraying me like this. Growing breasts ( I didn’t like it). Growing hips and a derriere (booty) and I just DID NOT LIKE IT. I felt awkward, uncomfortable, and I felt like everyone could see it. I more especially grew to hate my high school PE (physical education) class, because in summer, that meant being in a swimming costume (LOL, do people actually still call them that? swimming costumes?). I was uncomfortable, called my thighs “thunder thighs” because they accounted for most of my “horrible” body weight.

 

I would look at my skinny friends and think, I want her body. I want her legs… I don’t want this thick, fat body- I want to be skinny. It was a DAILY struggle. (OMG, I need a moment to breathe here)….

 

Due to this hatred of my physique, I found com fort in HIDING my body. I would completely and unapologetically dress like a boy. Baggy Jeans, baggy soccer t shirts, bandanas, and deliberately looking like a boy, because it felt better to look at myself in the mirror and not see the hideous body looking back at me…. (phewwww, I need another moment here). I would wear sports bras. I wore them all the way into varsity. Yes, i did. My body wasn’t a place I wanted to be in. I didn’t want to live there. I couldn’t see its beauty. At all. It didn’t help much when you had relatives that said every time they saw you “You’ve become so BIG!”, “wa nona hakana le wena?!”. That sh*t was HARDDDDD to take for me… Throughout my childhood, I lived in hatred of my body. I would scratch at it, punch my thighs, and spent many days in the bath tub at home, crying… hating this body.

 

UNIVERSITY AND WORK LIFE…

 

This period of my life, Uni, changed everything. EVERYTHING.

All because of the people I had met, who made me realise, and look at my body differently. Even when starting out I was the awkward tomboy, until I met Dimpho, and she changed my life. I love you my friend. You did a wonderful thing for me. Dimpho one day said to me “my friend, enough with the sports bras, tomorrow we getting you a proper push up bra!” and BRUH!!!! AT THIS POINT THERE WAS A MOMENTOUS SHIFT IN MY BRAIN FUNCTION!! That first maroon push up bra made me see my upper body, exposed my small waist, and my beautiful bosom! LOL… I looked in the mirror, and I smiled. I legitimately smiled and maybe cried later that day, lol, I think i did. From this point, i introduced myself to clothes that enhanced my body! I ditched the sweaters, baggy jeans- replaced them with skinny jeans, v-neck tops to expose my neck area, sandals instead of sneakers… and eventually graduated to heels.

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I looked at my body differently. I appreciated it. Along with all the self love quotes, messages, books I would read, I learned to CHANGE the way I think about my body, and learned to believe that I’m the only one who matters when it comes to my body.

 

ME. NOT HIM, or HER, or THEM. ME.

 

However, believe me, even will all these years of self teaching myself, to self LOVE myself, along with the help from friends like Dimpho and Marcia, it is STILL a struggle. There are still days where I hate what I’m wearing because it makes my bum look big, or hate my body because I can’t fit into that dress… I have those days too! And bikini’s!!!!! GIRL, I’m NOT there yet. Even though my friends say I look good in one, I’m still to reach the place where I believe it myself, and until then, I just WONT wear one.

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Its a daily struggle. I hate it, and I love it. It has helped me grow to learn to love myself harder. For me, not for anyone else. I now know how to make certain outfits work for me. So If i don’t like how my bum looks in those jeans, I will wear a top that flatters my booty area… I will wear clothes to enhance, and make me FEEL good!

 

I still remain me though…. I have a passionate relationship with my sweater, jeans and sneakers… It is still my comfort place. I still hide away from the world in them, but I make them work for me, to look good, for me. But, I have also learned to be feminine too. To try dresses, to wear heels.

It’s an ongoing process. A hard one.

 

My message though is. If you read this and you identify, you really aren’t alone. So many MANY Β men and women struggle with their body- to be skinnier, to be bigger. We all go through it. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to love your body. It WILL happen….Β 

 

Just a little patience… Time. Time is a teacher. Time will teach you how to recognise the beauty of you, no matter what size. When that happens, carry it with you. In your walk, in your stride, in your heart, in your smile.Β 

 

You are BEAUTIFUL. “Be your own kind of beautiful” ❀

 

If you want to share your story with me, please do, I’d love to know.

 

Until the next one,

 

Live in Light and Love ❀

K.

 

Published by

katlzzz

Lifetime Friend <3 Lover of Love.... No Bullshitter, God's Child, Lifestyle Blogger DrEaM, CrEaTe, AcHeIvE, INSPIRE!!!

16 thoughts on “BODY CONFIDENCE| MY STORY

  1. Katli! Thank you for this. I have always been curvy…I especially remember two little girls in my pre-school class who were troublesome eaters, their mom would get them to eat by saying “if ungadli awuzoba ne figure like uKoke (that was my nickname). At 12 I was practically a grown woman…the only thing I loved was my bossom. I remember being macked on by a man (early 30s), it was traumatic @12. I met this man 8years later and told him that I was only 12 & he could not believe it. Right now I am battling with my weight…at some stage May 2012, I was 108kg. Lost 30kg by December and since then I’ve gained and lost and gained 10kg. It’s a battle I tell you. What I love is that I own this body. I may not always love it’s size, but I love it’s shape. Dimpho Masike also changed my life in early 2006 1st year of Varsity. She has a great head on her shoulders. Bless that lass! I’m better for having met her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, its amazing to read this comment and think of how I can identify with everything that you are saying. When people make fun of people/ children even, they have no idea of the emtional trauma they are causing in that persons life. Wow, good on you for losing all that weight! It is honestly a daily struggle, tough and draining. I used to get that too, older men asking me out, it was traumatic and disturbing. How does my BODY tell him that I’m above a certain age? Its honestly disturbing. Dimpho is truly a blessing to many people.

      Thanks for this friend ❀

      Like

  2. Great post hun.Very inspiring.I can relate.I too have other features i used to hate,but im learning to love and embrace because they are what makes me unique.The struggle is real,i even thought of going for plastic surgery but for what?so that someone can accept me?They will still talk and hate even after surgery.I might as well be myself,they will adapt.I love this post.And honestly i think you look great! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing doll. We all have things about ourselves we don’t quite get along with. Daily challenge. But I think the biggest challenge of all is learning to accept those challenges and working through them, to learn to appreciating and loving your body. ❀ You are beautiful! Do change anything!

      Like

  3. This is a great post Katleho, thank you for having the courage to share it with us. My body mostly filled up when I went to varsity and coming back home people were commenting about how fat I was 😦 – and you know looking back now, I didn’t even gain that much weight, it was my puberty hormones finally kicking in.
    I think one of the biggest problem is people, you know those aunties and neighbours who just.always.have.something.to.say! I once told my mom that her friends were going to cause me to have an eating disorder because they always went on about how big I was. lol! I was that dramatic.
    Anyhoo, I can go on forever about this topic, it’s a dear one to my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing Lungi. I got those too a lot!!! You have become so fat! What are you eating? What are you doing with your body… I got those a lot in high school, and I think because of that, I grew to hardly eating large amounts of food at a go. I physically cant take it all in. I hate chewing, because I only reminds me that I’m stuffing my face…. Its crazy. I also could go on and on… I don’t know, maybe I’ll make another post. ❀ Thanks for sharing too doll. These aunties and uncles don't know the emotional trauma they give a child with these kinds of comments!

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  4. Thanks for sharing sisi! Yah we all struggle with a part of our bodies we don’t like but you are right when you say time is a great teacher. I only started loving myself completely, the way I am, when I started working…I also used to wear baggy jeans and was a tomboy throughout high school to tertiary because I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. I was super shy and a serious introvert. Loved reading your story ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Although I haven’t experienced problems with my weight and my self love/body issues don’t stem from weight problems but from bullying at school instead, because certain kids found certain features amusing (e.g the gap in my teeth), I can totally relate. I don’t smile much as a result or I hide when I laugh, you know things like that. I think the biggest problem for women with any kind of struggle when it comes to self love is people and the opinion they plant in your mind about yourself. I think if we can work on breaking the hold that other people’s opinions and standards have on us we will be in a much better place. Thank you so much for this post Katz, it was a great reminder of the fact that nobody is perfect and that we are all fighting our struggles on a daily AND that in a world full of body shamming and negligence towards being kind to women we need to be kind to ourselves and love each other. ❀️❀️❀️❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true… Body shaming is a real thing babe. And worse, its from woman to woman… Its quite sad. You should write a blog post on your bullying experience at school. You never know who might read it, and you might say something someone needs to hear.

      Like

  6. Reading this post was truly emotional and has taken me back to primary school and high school where even on weekends i got accustomed to wearing a sweater or jersey no matter how hot or cold it was. Being a grown woman with curves and rolls i have accepted this and i am on a constant battle with myself to be a recovering fatty, It has taken me a long time to realise that we are not all meant to be size 8 or 2. we can all be whatever size and still be great people. Self acceptance and self love should be at the top of all our lists. Well done to Dimpho and many others out there who are showing and growing others confidence. its is a skill that is rare but very powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwww Ivy ❀ This brought tears to my eyes just reading! Thanks for sharing. I know, its such a horrible struggle that so many women face on the daily, and the advantage , is that with growing up, comes a grown min (well, most times), and you learn to understand that we aren't all meant to be cut from the same cloth. A great person isn't defined by the size of her body. Absolutely!

      Like

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