IS CHIVALRY DEAD??
Ok Ok Ok…
Let’s talk about this, because this is a conversation I’ve found myself in the middle of FAR too often. Whether I’m talking to my guy friends about it, or to my girlfriends over a glass of wine while we are having our “we hate men” rants! lol…
I find myself far too often in the middle of this conversation and I thought it would be a good idea to talk about chivalry.
Chivlary- “The combination of qualities expected an ideal knight, especially courage, honour, courtesy and justice”.
Lol ok… lets get into this (these are MY opinions, and I’d love to know yours, so PLEASE comment!).
So I read an article called “Why chivalry is dead, From a Man’s perspective” and I won’t lie, I was surprised at what this guy was saying in the article. The author essentially talks about how culture and attitude TOWARDS chivalry has changed. He says that the generation of today is one of a “hook-up” culture and does not meet chivalry the old fashioned way, how our parents used to do it.
He also goes on to add that WOMEN have become “complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. We no longer have to put in the effort of flowers chocolates, dates etc, and if we do, we come off as stage- five clingers”.
I have opinions on this topic and I want to address them. It might offend some, or make others happy, lol, but i use my blog as a platform to air MY opinions, and I appreciate criticism.
I AM WRITING MY OPINION FROM MY OWN CONTEXT- AS A SOUTH AFRICAN WOMAN.
Now, I agree and disagree with the man who wrote that article.
Firstly, NO I do NOT believe that chivalry is dead. I just believe that it isn’t really what it once was. Now, consider, chivalry is definitely DEFINED differently NOW, to how it was THEN. Also, chivalry is a very subjective term to everyone, it means something different to different people.
Now back then our parents who I think were a lot chivalrous then the men now, even with the struggles that my parents had, my father would “shela” (court) my mother with some Cherrols, Romantics and long walks and such. Small things, that had a BIG impact in their lives. A date would be at “Rose’s Tavern” or “Easy By Night” nightclub where they would listen to Brenda Fassie perform “Weekend Special”… This, to MY mom, was chivalry- my father treating her to nice things, clothes, dates.
NOW, chivalry is SEEN differently.
Chivalry is a bunch of flowers, romantic dates at a very fancy restaurant (so this cancels out McDonalds brothers, lol), buying her expensive gifts and treating her to a “BAECATION” or whatever its called, every now and then. Granted. TIMES have changed.
From MY perspective, of my South African brothers, this type of “chivalry” doesn’t come without a PRICE tag of its own. Lets be honest, if a man is doing things like this for a woman shortly after getting together, there is something that is WANTED in return! Lol, so, for that cute dress, or vacay at Oyster Box, you need to part with something for him in return… We all know what this is… *As I sip my tea*
Lets not also forget our brothers who may NOT have the finance for Oyster Box. They expect to take you out to Life Grand Cafe, get you a good meal and a couple of drinks, and that magically constitutes to us dating… lol. Meaning, one date from now, we are now an item, which immediately means bedroom action.
Lets get to my point, chivalry is NOT dead, its cloaked differently, and sadly works as a tit for tat situation. South African men, don’t have the chivalry game down.
DON’T GET ME WRONG, THERE ARE SOME SA MEN WHO DO IT VERY WELL, but be honest, few and far between.
Then they get offended and touched when women say that our African brothers, their counterparts, do a much better job. WHY take offence? Until there can be a distinction between wanting to be chivalrous with the INTENT to gain “some” at the end of the night, and being chivalrous, JUST because you want to be, with no intent, only THEN can we say that South African men have won the CHIVALRY war.
Let’s not also forget the time we are in. There are MANY women now, who can take THEMSELVES on a night out, without depending on a man to do so, take herself on a holiday to Oyster Box, or even buy HERSELF flowers! Yes there are independent women out there! However, this does not, and shouldn’t by all means, mean that men need to slack at being chivalrous. Even women who can afford all this, would like to be treated- AS A WOMAN, BY A LOVING MAN WHO ACKNOWLEDGES that! 🙂
And to the LADIES….
Sometimes I don’t even BLAME the brothers! Honestly, we sometimes forget that chivalry goes both ways!! We did say it is a different time didnt we? A different generation? What’s wrong with taking HIM out once in a while? Booking a weekend away for your anniversary? Sending him lunch while he’s a work? Saying thank you when he’s pulled out the chair for you at dinner?
Whatever makes you think you should always be on the receiving end? Men need the appreciation too! Hello! You know its true!
I could talk about this one all day, but its going to be far too long! What do you think? Is chivalry dead? Or is it not what it used to be?
Let me know!
Til the next one,
Live in Light and Love ❤